Okay, okay… I confess, I have never seen the show “Gossip Girl” but I love the name of it! Or maybe I hate the name of it. I am not sure! LOL.
On a more serious note, I have talked about this before on our forum (which is soon to be resurrected, by the way!), and even in person at conferences and lave tets: There is an unfortunate side effect to having friends that you made through Spellmaker – either you met them online or in person, doesn’t matter. What ends up happening is that you talk too much about your spell casting work!
But, Mambo, you ask me, what’s wrong with that? Well, plenty. You know how in the spell casting instructions it pretty clearly states that you should tell no one of your spell work? There is a good reason for that. Unfortunately, talking about it too much, even to those you think support you, can often have an adverse effect.
The first thing is that discussing it too much makes you tend to dissect it: What did you do, Susie Spellmaker Friend? Oh, I didn’t do that, I did this. Maybe I should have done what you did, SSF. Or maybe you should have done what I did, SSF. Oh, SSF, my HD called me. SSF says: Oh big deal, that doesn’t mean anything. You say: But I thought it was a good sign. SSF says: You put too much into it. Don’t let him take advantage of you, calling whenever he wants. You say: Is this spell work really working? SSF says: Maybe. Maybe not.
My point is that very often SSF actually is jealous of your progress, or doesn’t interpret the spell work the way you do, or just plain old isn’t actually a “friend.” We have such a loose interpretation of what a friend is these days. Someone we meet on the internet and have a little something in common with is suddenly the definition of “friendship.”
I find this especially true, unfortunately, of my female clients. They want to compare spellcasting notes with their SSF’s, pour over what is happening to them, lament the state of their case, cry on each other’s shoulders, etc., etc., etc. Frankly, I think it is detrimental to your spell work. I have tried to tell some people this and am met with a fairly chilly reception and THEN am told I am wrong. Well, guess what, I can’t be wrong because I crafted your spellwork. I created the very place where you met SSF.
Look, I am not trying to say you shouldn’t talk to your personal SSF, but what I am saying is that you should try to keep the talk down that dissects your personal spell work and its results. You are truly doing yourself a disservice in that you might be wrecking your own work by putting doubt into it or worrying about the fact that SSF got some kind of result that YOU were hoping for and you are still waiting. Or SSF seems to be in one disaster after another and is dragging you in with her. Yes, keep your SSF! But think about the discussions you are having – are they truly helping you? Are those discussions truly supportive? Do you come away from talking to SSF feeling BETTER or WORSE?
The main thing that prompted me to write this post is that I have received some pretty emotional letters from some of you regarding your SSF and a relationship with her that has gone terribly wrong or is counterproductive. One thing I do recommend is that if you have an SSF and you feel like the relationship isn’t doing either one of you any good, you should talk to her! Tell her how you feel. If she is truly your friend, then she will work with you to salvage the relationship and keep it healthy. If she is not your friend, you will know it right away and should just cut your losses.
Sorry for shooting straight from the hip on this one, but I just thought you should all think about it!
Love, light, and peace,
Mambo Sam
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