So… Today I ran across a meme on social media that said something like why were we taught to be afraid of witches and not the people who burned them alive?. And it got me thinking about how percwption really does inform reality.
I used to be that girl that took everything very VERY personally. If I didn't hear back from someone before my anxiety got the best of me, I quite literally thought that person was mad at me. That I had transgressed our rekationship in some unknown way…and their silence was my punishment.
If someone was rude to me, I automatically assumed it hd something to do with me.
Add to my inherent anxiety a history of emotional trauma from yesteryear and it was a perfect storm of me frantically trying to out out non existing fires.
And then…something miraculous happened. I went blind. Not all the way blind, but blind enough to be legally blind. Suddenly, I was having to leave my job, I could no longer drive a car, and I was bombarded with medical appointments hoping my sight could be saved via corneal transplant.
Serious health issues were all consuming. Loved ones would text me, or ask me to go out and I would miss their messages or sometimes I was just too exhausted or overwhelmed to answer rhem, letalone have a conversation or go out to socialize.
It was then that I realized how much I had panicked for no reason when my chipper phone message didn't get an immediate call back, or someone did not seem to want to hang out with me. I was on the other end of the spectrum, and finally, I understood.
There were some people I should have apologized to that I did or could not apologize to. But that's ok. Now that I know better, I do better. It's very VERY rarely about me when someone doesn't react to me the way I would like. I am just not that important… Really no one is! My suffering was a blessing because it gave me compassion. We are all just doing the best we can in a world that is stressful, unfair, and sometimes, just damn overwhelming.
So, the villains in my story are few and far between now. Instead, I see a struggling employee, an overwhelmed mom, a depressed individual with social anxiety. I see the why and how and I just feel love and compassion for them.
In Service,
Khouzhan Morgan
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