Self-esteem vs. Self-importance

Written by

Hello everyone!
Did you ever notice what you considered to be a disturbing trend but couldn't quite figure out what it was? Well, that is what happened to me! Over the last couple of months, in dealing with different people in different situations, I kept thinking, "Wow, there must be something in the water!"

Now, I know we have discussed before that some people seem to have a very strange sense of entitlement – like the world, and all of us living in it, seem to somehow owe them something! It has been a real head scratcher for me to try to figure it out. This is beyond just your every day, garden-variety snob. Those folks will always be around. These people I am talking about are the ones who seem genuinely distressed and disturbed when they aren't treated like some kind of royalty

Well, I don't know if I ever really will figure it out, but I do think I managed to nail down at least part of it: People have confused their self-esteem with self-importance. This seems to be especially prevalent in women, which, in part, I also attribute to the ubiquitously-called "Women's Movement." Now before you all start writing to me about women's rights – don't bother. I get it. I was in a very early, very abusive marriage in my extremely young days; I already experienced being paid less than a man for the same job; got called, "sweet cheeks" and "tits" as a nickname.(REALLY!! I actually answered phones at a place where the boss and his cronies called me "tits." Sigh.)So, yes, I am a believer in women's rights.

Tied up in the whole women's rights movement, there has been, in the last 25 years, a real call to women to boost their self-esteem, lift yourself up (and not just with a good bra!), and overall feel great about yourself. There are shelves of books about women's self-esteem issues, etc. Somehow, for some women, this has all gone horribly wrong. This has turned into the idea of their self-importance; that they are great and wonderful and smart and beautiful, and the rest of us just better bow down and do their bidding. WHOA, girlies! Self-esteem is not about self-importance.

Perhaps it is because I deal with so many women that I feel especially bombarded with this attitude, but it is really disturbing. I fear for these women (most of them are under 30 and no doubt raised by the women of "Tits Nickname" generation)! Out they go into the world pumped up by their self-importance and find themselves with a hard row to hoe when not everyone feels the same way about THEM as they feel about themselves.

Yes, of course, this whole idea of self-importance,entitlement,and "you owe me" attitude crosses all genders and generations. It is just that I seem to be seeing more and more of it that really bothers me. So what do you think? Do you have a story about a Self-Important person that wreaked havoc on your life? Did you one day realize that YOU were the one with the attitude? If so, how did you deal with it? What made you realize it? Or am I just old and can't get with the new idea of "it's all about me?" Tell me!!!!!! Just click on the "Comments" link and leave a message!

Love,light,and peace,
Mambo Samantha Corfield
www.spellmaker.com
.

Comments

6 responses to “Self-esteem vs. Self-importance”

May 23, 2009

amanda

Amen Mambo. I have noticed this trend as well. Actually I just finished a class called psychology of Women. I assumed it was about psychology, however it was a gender’s class. I understand all about women’s rights, but geeze, this professor really believed she was better than men in every way and they deserve to be treated like second class citizens. It drove me NUTS!!! Glad I am done with it, but it was the first thing I thought about when I read this!

Reply
May 23, 2009

Simone Greene

I don’t see it as an effect of the women’s movement so much as a generational difference. Post-war children were raised with an expectation of good appearances. No matter what was going on at home, we had to ignore the unpleasantness, behave nicely and reflect well upon the family and community. The backlash to that was growing up to be the “why don’t they control their kids?” parents. Of course there is a lot of control, with play-dates and helicopter parents, whereas my siblings and I had the run of the neighborhood (just be home by dark). But the next generation got to run around restaurants or the subway, and interrupt adult conversation at will. Self esteem became a part of schools for all children, and “take your daughter to work” became “take your children to work,” and turned into another play date rather than learning what your mom does for a living. There has already been much written about the rude awakening of the real world when the kids enter the workforce.
I think it’s definitely an improvement when girls are raised to be equals, not with the expectation that they will be second-class citizens. I hate to say it, but maybe it’s a shock because our society accepts/allows that attitude in males.
After considering that, all relationships require some compromises and, preferably courtesy. Particularly when looking for a romantic relationship, if I’m the one who wants to fix it then I’m the one who will be making the majority of the changes. As mentioned in your earlier blog, though, we should not accept abuse.
There is a lot of territory between an abuse victim and treating others with respect. Something else we rarely hear about these days is humility — whatever happened to that?

Reply
May 24, 2009

pisceslovesavirgo

Hi Mambo Sam!! 🙂
I genuinely feel for you! That’s a nasty attitude to have to deal with, indeed. It’s so sad because it’s a wide-spead behavior among both men and women everywhere. I do think that a lot of it is self-esteem vs. self-importance…however, a lot of it is the impression that people are owed something. I blame the retail industry! Having worked and shopped in it for years, look at all the gimmicks/coupons/savings stores are trying to entice customers with. Stores encourage their employees to treat their customers (and I quote!!) like royalty! Royalty is addicting! Shouldn’t everyone treat you like royalty all the time? Lol 🙂
I really shouldn’t joke about it, because what it really does is makes people unkind to the people who aren’t bowing down to them. And no one bows down to them.
Being “in service” to other people business-wise is a hard pill to swallow, as I’m sure you know, because people demand the royal treatment and if they don’t get it, they tell bad things about you to your boss or they take their business elsewhere.
I try the sweetness effect. I refuse to kiss anyone’s behind, but people are surprised and please and responsive to genuine sweetness and kindness.
I am so sorry that you are being treated with nasty, upidy behavior…you are one of the most kind and sweet and caring and loving people I know! What’s the lesson behind these behaviors? Maybe it’s our chance to show another human being compassion and understanding and the right way to treat other people? I don’t know, but my money has always been on you, Mambo!! 🙂
Good luck with everything!
Light and love,
Pisces

Reply
May 25, 2009

Small comment

Hi,
I do feel that your boss is rude. We live in modern world and there shouldn’t be any discrimination between female and male. About self-important people, not to say I like the attitude, but I learn to accept the reality that most people think they are important and they want to be treated special. Human are generally an ego person. How I deal with self-important people? Life is too short to get upset about them. Enjoy your life with the people you love most =)

Reply
May 28, 2009

www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawntZp0n2vSo9be-W-Nuacdf3HkHv2scubU

Ya know, this makes me think of the types who wear (what I call) the Victoria Beckham sunglasses. Low self-esteem so they hide behind the huge sunglasses but the behavior they have is super high self-importance. Difficult to deal with for sure…

Reply
June 1, 2009

claire

Mambo Sam, I see this all the time in my teaching. Younger students come to college expecting to get “A’s” without earning them. When they don’t get them, they harangue the professors hoping that will get us to change our minds. “I always got A’s in high school etc.”
Grade appeals are commonplace now, but the work is usually so poor tht the grade stands. Belligerence follows and then the threats about leaving bad comments on our teaching evals. It’s nuts.

Reply