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Category: Day-to-Day
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Patience.
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Self-esteem vs. Self-importance
Hello everyone!
Did you ever notice what you considered to be a disturbing trend but couldn't quite figure out what it was? Well, that is what happened to me! Over the last couple of months, in dealing with different people in different situations, I kept thinking, "Wow, there must be something in the water!"Now, I know we have discussed before that some people seem to have a very strange sense of entitlement – like the world, and all of us living in it, seem to somehow owe them something! It has been a real head scratcher for me to try to figure it out. This is beyond just your every day, garden-variety snob. Those folks will always be around. These people I am talking about are the ones who seem genuinely distressed and disturbed when they aren't treated like some kind of royalty
Well, I don't know if I ever really will figure it out, but I do think I managed to nail down at least part of it: People have confused their self-esteem with self-importance. This seems to be especially prevalent in women, which, in part, I also attribute to the ubiquitously-called "Women's Movement." Now before you all start writing to me about women's rights – don't bother. I get it. I was in a very early, very abusive marriage in my extremely young days; I already experienced being paid less than a man for the same job; got called, "sweet cheeks" and "tits" as a nickname.(REALLY!! I actually answered phones at a place where the boss and his cronies called me "tits." Sigh.)So, yes, I am a believer in women's rights.
Tied up in the whole women's rights movement, there has been, in the last 25 years, a real call to women to boost their self-esteem, lift yourself up (and not just with a good bra!), and overall feel great about yourself. There are shelves of books about women's self-esteem issues, etc. Somehow, for some women, this has all gone horribly wrong. This has turned into the idea of their self-importance; that they are great and wonderful and smart and beautiful, and the rest of us just better bow down and do their bidding. WHOA, girlies! Self-esteem is not about self-importance.
Perhaps it is because I deal with so many women that I feel especially bombarded with this attitude, but it is really disturbing. I fear for these women (most of them are under 30 and no doubt raised by the women of "Tits Nickname" generation)! Out they go into the world pumped up by their self-importance and find themselves with a hard row to hoe when not everyone feels the same way about THEM as they feel about themselves.
Yes, of course, this whole idea of self-importance,entitlement,and "you owe me" attitude crosses all genders and generations. It is just that I seem to be seeing more and more of it that really bothers me. So what do you think? Do you have a story about a Self-Important person that wreaked havoc on your life? Did you one day realize that YOU were the one with the attitude? If so, how did you deal with it? What made you realize it? Or am I just old and can't get with the new idea of "it's all about me?" Tell me!!!!!! Just click on the "Comments" link and leave a message!
Love,light,and peace,
Mambo Samantha Corfield
www.spellmaker.com
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That Looks Like a Lot of Trouble!
Happy Sunday, everyone!
Parran Matt and I had some guests for dinner a couple of weeks ago. He had run into an old friend that he had not seen in many years and it was a great reunion! Now this friend doesn’t care for spicy food (which most of you already know is my passion in the kitchen). What’s a poor cooking Mambo to do? š
Well, easy enough, right? I decide that we will grill up some barbequed chicken and ribs, with some baby red potatos, and asparagus with Hollandaise sauce. Now, let me digress for a moment here: Who in the heck can afford asparagus right now, right? Well, as luck would have it, my darling mother-in-law Eileen, who many of you have met at our conventions, found wild asparagus growing near her property a few years ago. The property is public property owned by the Nature Conservancy here, but if it borders your property, you have water rights, etc., to it. SO, Eileen, bless her heart, transplanted the wild asparagus beds onto her property and they took off like wildfire. (This is the lady who “accidently” grew cantaloupes last year by throwing the seeds and rinds into her garden for mulch and off they took into a cantaloupe vine yielding big, beautiful cantaloupes. LOL.)
So, bless her heart, in addition to her usual victory garden that she grows every year, we have fresh-picked asparagus this time of year. Well, as far as I am concerned I never met a grilled asparagus I loved more than with fresh Hollandaise sauce on it.
š
Now Hollandaise sauce is best served fresh so I make it right before putting everything on the table to serve. As I was cooking it, our friend kept saying that it “looked like a lot of trouble.” I don’t think it is, for me it only takes a few minutes to make and is so worth it. The same with whipped cream, I always whip it fresh if we are having it. It just takes a couple of minutes and it is so much better, but I usually get the same response of “wow, that looks like a lot of trouble.”
It made me think of how many times people have told me the same thing about spell casting, especially after exclaiming that they would “do anything” to get Jack (or Jill) back into their life. However, when presented with recommendations of what they should do to make this happen, I often get, “that sounds like a lot of trouble.”
For those folks, sadly, I usually expect them to get a poor outcome from their spell work. Right away they are setting themselves up into a negative state of mind of how much trouble they are going through for their HD; how much work it is; how much time it takes, etc., etc., etc.
But spell work, like good Hollandaise sauce, IS worth the effort. So if you are thinking your spell work is too much trouble – stop putting that into your mind. Consider calling that trouble “effort” instead of trouble. Consider calling it “being proactive.” Because if you are thinking this is all too much trouble, you couldn’t be thinking in a more negative manner!
Love, light, and peace,
Mambo Samantha Corfield
www.spellmaker.com
Mambo Sam’s Hollandaise Sauce
4 egg yolks
1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/2 cup (1 stick) melted butter
1/2 cup half and half
1/2 teaspoon hot Hungarian paprika (or just regular paprika;you can also use cayenne
)
Pinch of salt
Whisk the egg yolks and lemon juice together in a stainless steel bowl and until the mixture is thick and approximately doubles in volume. Place the bowl over a saucepan containing barely simmering water (or use a double boiler if you have one.) The simmering water should not touch the bottom of the bowl. Continue to whisk rapidly. Be careful not to let the eggs get too hot or they will scramble. Mix your cream and butter together gently and slowly drizzle in the mixture. and continue to whisk until the sauce is thickened and doubled in volume. Remove from heat, whisk in paprika and salt. Keep warm until ready to use. If you are making this ahead of time and it thickens up too much, you can whisk in warm water a tablespoon at a time until you get the right consistency – thick, but still pourable. -
Are you Depressed?
Happy Tuesday, everyone! Very often clients come to me and tell me that they are depressed. Of course we all go through days, maybe weeks, where we are depressed about something. Let me first say, if you feel you are clinically depressed or unable to cope, please, please seek professional help. Obviously, I am not that kind of doctor and if you feel hopeless and helpless, please seek help locally.
Okay, so besides that I think sometimes we forget the simple ways to combat depression. Now, of course, you could do a Milk of Damballahā¢ White Bath or use other cleansing type products such as white candles, etc.. However, sometimes just the very simple act of lighting a white candle, doing some deep breathing, and allowing yourself to relax and spend some time just "being" can help greatly! Not all successful "helps" are complicated! š I very often recommend to clients keeping a few white image candle kits around in their own gender just to use on occasions when they feel sad, depressed, low in energy, etc. It is a fairly simple way to boost yourself!
I also found an article that outlined 10 simple ways to fight depression. It's funny, most of it you will have already heard, I had! BUT, it was still just nice to see it in a simple list as a reminder that if we are depressed, sometimes just taking a few simple measures will get us "over the hump" of a bluesy day.
—Article–
"10 Tips For Fighting Depression "
Iāve done a bit of research into fighting depression recently and Iāve put together ten brief tips for fighting depression, leaving medication out of the list (excepting vitamins), as it doesnāt work for everyone. Most of these tips are probably common sense but itās sometimes hard to think rationally when youāre depressed, and thus easy to forget.
Get sufficient sleep. Iāve always burned the candle at both ends. Itās a flaw of being a type-A, driven, workaholic personality. Lack of sleep multiplies the effects of depression. If you canāt get a full 6-8 hours each night, try 15-30 minute catnaps through out the day. Iāve tried implementing Steve Pavlinaās attempt at polyphasic rhythm-based sleep, but I canāt quite pull it off yet. I have however been very successful in using Pzizzās two free 15-minute energizer audio MP3 recordings for power naps several times a day. Itās unbelievable how much these help. Iāve also successfully been using binaural beats to positively affect alpha, beta, theta, etc., brainwaves. (More on that in the future.)
Reduce stress. Stress can be invisible and subconscious, and it can come from guilt about a variety of things, personal and professional. For example, as I write this article, Iām suffering from guilt for not working on client projects, which Iāve been unable to do for most of the day. That means I have to make up for this lack tomorrow, which in turn induces anxiety. Itās tough, stressful cycle. If you donāt keep stress under control, it can induce productivity-grinding panic and anxiety attacks. Naps, a walk around the neighbourhood, and exercise can help alleviate the effects immensely. Remember: you cannot learn effectively with stress weighing you down. Sometimes, practicing detachment from your worries will solve your stress.
Get sufficient exercise. Itās not just a matter of getting blood flowing, though thatās part of it. But getting outside and getting sunlight and fresh air is important because it rejuvenates you. If you work at home like I do, this is especially important. I find that despite being a hermit thinker type, physical activity makes me feel great during times of depression. Blood flow and adrenaline seem to stave off the worst effects. Though itās sometimes hard to remember that exercise or keeping busy helps.
Meditate. Meditation can be an effective means to reducing stress and thus depression. It can also help you to become aware of what is causing your guilt, your stress, and often help you achieve some detachment from those āproblemsā you cannot do anything about. In short, it helps you achieve perspective, to see where to focus your attention. Iāve been meditating on and off for about 20 years. (Iāve done over 10,000 hours of meditation, part of the requirement of becoming a Buddhist monk, though not all under a āmasterā, which disqualifies me.)
Add some colour to your wardrobe. Tough for me, an ex-goth who still wears mostly all-black, but all dark clothes all the time increases the effects of depression. Colour stimulates positive feelings. I find blood red or a hunter green shirt helps me. Some people prefer yellow, orange or peach, or prints or paisleys. You can also add colour to your life through art therapy.
Eat properly. You know eating properly applies all the time but itās even more crucial for those suffering from depression. I find grains, nuts, and fruit help me, and staying away from fried foods and refined carbs. I have a friend, a gifted classical guitarist, who ends up in the hospital every three or four years because of the massive amount of fast food he eats nearly every single day, and without vegetables at that. (Heās had around three meltdowns in the decade or so Iāve known him, and hasnāt worked in that time.) Even a fresh submarine/ hoagy/ rocket with lots of free toppings (i.e., veggies) is better than fries, gravy, burgers and pizzas several times a week like he has. (Iām not knocking them, as I eat them, but not every day.) Seek out healthy snacks or make your own, eat nutritious foods and add colourful vegetables and leafy items.
Take your vitamins. Learn your E, B, Cs. And Zinc, Folic acid, iron supplements, etc. Poor diet robs us of many absolutely essential nutrients. If you are not going to change your diet, whatever your reason, at least replenish those nutrients.
Drink water. The proper amount of fluids helps keep your skin from getting dry in the winter time – the āseasonā in seasonal depression. It also helps clear out some of the toxins in your body. And by the way, itās NOT 8 glasses per day for everyone. The proper amount is based on your body weight, age, activity level, and other factors.
Add extra lighting. Research shows that adding some warm, bright lights helps fight the effects of depression. You donāt have to spend $150+ on special lamps; just increase the wattage in some of your light bulbs. Also, fluorescent lights are less bright than they appear. Try to replace them if possible.
Smile. Itās not a guaranteed nor permanent cure, but it does help sometimes, if you can maintain a smile for a few minutes. I watch The Comedy Network (Canada) sometimes, as laughing helps – at least temporarily, like chicken soup sort of helps a cold. Remembering to do so is key, so you may need to tape some visual reminders to your mirrors or computer, etc."
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Here's wishing you all a happy day!!
Love,
Mambo Sam -
Happy Mardi Gras!
Hello everyone!
Happy Mardi Gras to each and every one of you! Mardi Gras, of course, is celebrated all over the world, but few places can rival the celebration that takes place in New Orleans. š
The history and meaning of Mardi Gras is well documented all over the internet, so I will not repeat it here. Suffice to say that it is “Fat Tuesday” – the last day of feasting before Lent.
Mardi Gras is a time of excess.., fun, food, laughter, etc. Now of course you don’t have to celebrate to excess, but please do take a little bit of time today to just celebrate life. Do something fun, have something “bad” for you to eat, just enjoy something today. Mardi Gras is about satisfying one’s self on a very visceral level!
Obviously we can’t and shouldn’t live every day as if it were Mardi Gras, but it is one day a year. Have that ice cream, pie, or fried chicken. Laugh it up at a ridiculous movie. Just be light hearted and full of joy. Don’t worry… your problems, sorrows, and worries will be right where you left them. They will be fine on their own for a minute while you have a laugh or two.
There will be plenty of time tomorrow to get back to life’s problems. š
Love,
Mambo Sam
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Don’t Forget to Have Fun!!
Happy Saturday one and all!
Do you remember fun??? š I had fun yesterday! I was cooking gumbo for some friends, talked to two dear friends online, and enjoyed the company of my husband in the evening. I worked, too, but it was one of those days when I remembered to have some fun within the work!! I don’t always remember, do you?
I found this great list about having fun by author Keith Varnum. Enjoy. Well, have fun with it! LOL. (I love #6 especially – we could all learn something from that.)
Love,
Mambo Sam
1. Practice random acts of connection.
Really. It works. Wave to a firefighter. Smile at a cop. Salute a soldier. Hang with a kid. Have a friendly conversation with the cashier. Leave an outrageously generous tip. Drop in a shelter. Volunteer at a literacy program. Show up at a community fund-raising event.
Serve others. When you give, you feel more connected to other people.
And if youāre not naturally motivated to reach out to others, think selfishly: any altruistic gestureāfrom buying someone a coffee to letting another driver in front of youāputs you on the fast track to feeling good.
2. Make at least one just-for-fun phone call a day.
Water your field of dreamsāyour energy field! Call a friend who is consistently fun to talk to. Just for the heaven of it! ā¦ not for business or to have any other need met. Simply ring someone up for a sociable hello without any agenda or expectation.
3. Look upon life as a Mystery School.
Welcome serendipity. Invite surprise. Cultivate spontaneity. Notice synchronicity. Know that the whole of your lifeāevents, situations and peopleāhas been secretly structured by your soul in order to bring you the experiences you want to have this lifetime. Approach life as if the whole of creation is conspiring to bring you goodness ā¦because it is! Realize that unpleasant people and situations are deliberately placed in your path as a challenge to help you grow big enough to embrace even them.
4. Have an exciting destination.
Seek wonder. Go toward joy, ease and adventureānot simply away from boredom, pain, struggle and fear. Donāt dwell on the old. Focus on your destinationāmove towards a fun future.
5. Rejoice each step of the way.
To keep from being overwhelmedāyet still make headwayābreak your larger goals down into more manageable steps. Itās easy to become discouraged if each step looms large and requires a major expenditure of time. Take at least one action a dayāno matter how minor. Then you can make some progress only if you have a few minutes. It may be something as little as gathering or setting out the materials for the next stage.
As you take small steps, check them off as achieved. Give yourself a pat on the back for your progress. Always focus on the advancement youāve made as being just as important as the distance you have yet to go.
6. Strive for successānot for perfection.
Give up perfectionism! Perfectionism goes hand in hand with fear of success and failure. We feel in order to succeed we must be perfect. As perfectionists, we insure that we will never be satisfied with who we are. Giving up perfectionism means seeing the good in our lives rather than the faults, focusing on what is working rather than what is not working.
Celebrate success in one aspect of your life each day. Look for the positive. Ask, āWhat did I do that was on the mark? Which parts of my day went well? What am I happy about?ā This approach and attitude helps take the sting out of the aspects of your life that seem lacking.
7. Take a daily mini-vacation.
Take 15 minutes each day to do . . . nothing! Nothing of any significance whatsoever. We need time each day to not race against the clock or be productive. As we slow down, our spirit is free to be restored and creative. Go on a walk. Listen to music. Sit on the couch. Dance, run, jog, skip or stretch. Write, paint or sketch. Pet an animal or plant. Listen to the wind. Take yourself on a date. Do something that is alive and energizing for you.
The point is to relax. No multi-tasking. Donāt live in your daily planner.
And take a break from technology for a while. Turn off your phone, fax and pager. Our modern conveniences have made us more accessible and vulnerable to otherās agendas and demands.
8. Just say āNo.ā
Consider everything you habitually say āYesā to each day. Community involvement. Errands for family. Favors for friends. Daily calls. Regular visits. Take time to consult with your spirit. Ask, āIs this activity at this time, in this way, really serving me? Is this the wisest use of my time and energy for all concerned in the long run? Is this activity giving me more energy than it is ultimately taking?
If the answer to these questions is āNo,ā then your answer to the activity should be āNo.ā
In saying āNoā to the people and events that arenāt intuitively right for you, you are actually saying āYesā to yourselfāand to the people and values that mean the most to you. If you allow yourself to be tied up with disharmonious, non-aligned situations, you canāt be available to share your true gifts with your family, friends and the world at large.
9. Give yourself a place lift.
Do you long for more expanse, efficiency, easy flow and elbow room in your life? By intuitively re-arranging the elements of your daily life, you can create the space to nurture the fun, freedom, opportunities and effectiveness you desire. By clearing out the old, dead elements of your life, you create a natural vacuum and an unblocked channel for fresh, new energy and ideas to come into your private and professional life.
10. Share your life experience.
Keep in mind that not everyone knows what you know. Your personal experiences can be valuable to others. You might be surprised by what some people donāt know about life! I always am.
We thrive when we feel we are valued and have left the world a better place at the end of each day. Leave a grand legacy.
Happiness comes from sharing happiness. There are few joys that are as complete as bringing joy to another human being.
Joy defies the laws of economics in that itās not something that we have less of when we give it away. Joy is something that grows greater for the giver as it is given. The more you give, the more you have. -
Moving Forward vs. Moving On
Happy Saturday everyone. I hope it is Spring weather where you are and you are enjoying some sunshine and warm breezes!
I wanted to discuss a little bit with you about hearing that dreaded statement, "It's time to move on." You often hear these words in reference to a lost relationship, loss of someone or something important in your life, job loss, etc. Some well-meaning friend, relative, or counselor may tell you that it is time to "move on."
The trouble with that statement in general is that no one wants to hear it! It sounds trite, cliche', and meaningless! Move on??? I don't want to "move on." I have an unresolved, unrequited situation. I have no way to move on! And that is exactly the problem with being told to move on: The person telling you that really does have your best interest at heart; they are tired of seeing you unhappy. Unfortunately, telling you to move on isn't helping because it seems that no one can tell you exactly where it is you are moving on to!
Without resolution of the situation, you cannot move on from it. For most of us the translation of "move on" is "give up." Admit failure. You have been defeated. You cannot win. Everything about those two little words screams of a negative impact on your life. Leave behind what you love. None of us wants to do that and as human beings most of us will fight and struggle against moving on. That's because most of the time we should not be moving on, we should be moving forward.
Moving forward is a positive action. It does not mean that we are giving up, admitting defeat, or accepting failure. What it does mean is that we are not going to let the situation that we have not yet conquered stop us from moving forward to new and exciting challenges!
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that moving forward is easy. But it is easier than "moving on" because it doesn't mean leaving anything behind! Just because you have not achieved the results you want in a situation doesn't mean that you have to move on and leave that situation behind! However, I do encourage you to always move forward. Accept new challenges, new people, and new projects into your life. Don't allow a not-yet-conquered situation to rule your life in such a way that you miss out on the new and wonderful things that can happen to you. Sometimes we need to compartmentalize our lives in such a way to remember that we still have a particular goal that is long term, but we also want to enjoy the success we can achieve in other goals, too!
If you just wallow in your seeming defeat or if you try to put those unresolved things behind you without resolution, you will find yourself stuck in the same old unhappiness day after day. As human beings we should always be moving forward. This does not mean to leave our old hopes and dreams behind. Take them along for the ride!! You may even find that you discover new ways to conquer even the most difficult of situations!
Love, light, and peace,Mambo Samantha Corfield -
Open for Comments!
Hello everyone! A very lovely client mentioned to me that she just noticed that my posts were open for "comments." She pointed out that it is very subtle (the link underneath that says Comments) and she missed it for several days. At her suggestion, I am doing a post to say that, yes, my blog, and I believe everyone else’s, is open for comments!
You have to register to comment, but it is free to do so and confidential. And we do moderate comments so they do have to be approved. Mainly I am doing this because it has become really popular for people to surf the net looking for female bloggers and then putting sexually explicit comments on their blogs. What the heck??????????? I do have to often wonder, don’t people have anything better to do than that??
Anyway, yes, of course, we all want to hear your comments and feedback on the subjects about which we blog.
Love to all, Mambo
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Online Teaching to Resume Soon
Good morning everyone! I wanted to let you all know that we will resume the online teaching classes soon! I have worked up a new format that I think will be much more effective in getting the information to you all AND allowing for both some social time and discussion time. š
There seemed to be a general idea that when I suspended classes that I was angry because of the way class was going. That isn’t quite true. More than anything I was frustrated with the format that I was using that didn’t allow me to get as much information to you as I hoped. I felt that I was turning into a "sit down and shut up" teacher and that is not what I want for you all!! You aren’t in kindergarten and no one is going to have to clean erasers after class!
However, I did start to feel the frustrations of some of the students and myself. Therefore, I have set about to build a better mousetrap. Just a bit more tweaking and I will introduce the new format, probably in about two weeks.
I miss the classes!! I miss the interaction with all of you. We will be back at it soon. (And if you aren’t registered for class, why not???? LOL. Email Berkeley at office@spellmaker.com and get instructions for signing up.)
Love, Mambo Sam
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Starting Fresh
Happy Sunday, everyone. The new work week is upon us and a lot of us are scurrying around doing laundry, figuring out what’s for dinner, what will we wear to work this week, and looking at how long our "to do" list still is. Trust me, I am in the same boat and it make me think of how many opportunities we may overlook to "start fresh."
Most of the time when we think of "starting fresh" we think of that as something big; that we are going to wipe the slate clean and start over on some part of our lives. We who are doing magickal work might do something like the <a href="http://www.spellmaker.com/cleanseyou.htm">Milk of Damballah white bath</A> to cleanse ourselves of negativity or do some other kind of cleansing ritual. That is great and works wonderfully for those traumatic negativity build ups we all get.
However, can we start fresh every month, every week, every day? What about throughout the day? Is it possible to get a fresh start after lunch and let the morning fade away to be replaced by renewed energy and optimism? We can! Sure, it will take some effort and you have to remember to stop and take a moment to recharge those batteries, but it can be done. Have you ever taken a three minute vacation? š I highly recommend it as a way to constantly renew and rejuvenate your energy. Give it a try. (You really can do it in three minutes even though it takes a little prep which is cheating a little on the three minute time limit. LOL.)
Mambo Sam’s Three Minute Vacation: Find a place to be alone for three minutes. It can even be the restroom where you work. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply, stretch a little. Don’t bind yourself up – let your limbs be loose and free. Come to an understanding with yourself that the last week, day, month, or hours have already passed and you cannot change what happened within them. For this, use whatever affirmations or way of thinking that you are comfortable with. If you think of this ahead of time, you will find a way of doing this that works for you. It might be as simple as just saying to yourself, "last week has passed and I acknowledge that I cannot change anything that happened then." So just briefly put yourself into that position of acceptance. (Don’t dwell on the things that happened. Believe me, you know them all too well. )
Now smile. Really smile – a big grin. If you are in an environment where others can’t hear you and question what you are doing, then laugh outloud! A big belly laugh. Keep smiling, laughing and giggling if you can. Use this time to release any negativity that you feel, literally laugh it away. Yes, I know this sounds oversimplistic, but remember, this is the Three Minute Vacation, we are just using this exercise to help us recharge for the short term. Obviously, heavier negativities need more long term help. For this exercise, we are simply giving ourselves a quick recharge. So laugh that negativity, fear, exhaustion, and hurt away for a minute! Researchers have proven that laughing releases endorphins – those happy peptides that keep us feeling good!
Then, take some more deep breaths and affirm to yourself your qualities of strength, love, power, and energy. If you want to really boost this three minute vacation, have something sweet. It can be small – just a Life Saver(tm) or some other piece of hard candy. It doesn’t have to wreck your diet! Sweets also release endorphins in our body (which is why some of us crave them) and having something sweet right as you are doing a positive exercise as above really ups the endorphin level.
Now, as you return to your daily activities, give yourself another smile and the knowledge that you are capable, beautiful, strong, and very, very smart because you just took a Three Minute Vacation!
Have a great Sunday afternoon!
